It's Never Just A Dream
by Cordys-Vision
Summary: “I woke up…and…” but then she stopped, realizing that she had no idea what she was going to tell him…What? that she woke up and…was suddenly in her future body? No. There was no way she could tell him that. Not yet.
1. Dreaming

**A/N: So I started this a really long time ago and I have most of it written, I just never bothered to post it because I was purely writing for my own enjoyment, but its always nice to get some feedback so I thought I'd post it. The faster I get feedback the quicker you get chapters, because I won't post if no one's reading. Okay, and for fans of my other story? Lies Without Consequence? I'm working on it, and I know its been awhile, but I'm really working on it, I just have had a bit of a writers block. If you have any ideas feel completely free to e-mail me also. But not about this story because its pretty much already written, but about my other one.) ****Thanks and Enjoy : ) -C**

Sunlight drifted in from the window, in which the curtains had been pulled away from, and tickled Lily's cheek with warmth. She sighed heavily and rolled over in her bed, desperately trying to stay asleep for just another hour. She hadn't slept well to begin with. Now that she thought on it, she couldn't remember exactly how she had fallen asleep in the first place.

She remembered having the head of house meeting with James and Dumbledore. James was late as per usual, they'd had a much expected and anticipated row, and then James left, she'd been talking to Dumbledore, and then… what?

She couldn't remember at the moment, and she didn't quite care. All she was interested in was the warm, unbelievably comfortable, cloud-like bed that she was currently in. She began to relax again, cursing the sun for being up. She snuggled into the covers and almost began to drift off to sleep again, having no trouble imagining her dormitory around her.

Then she realized with a jolt of surprise that there wasn't a window across from her bed in her head girl dormitory, and that the sun never woke her up in the first place. Marlene always did with her loud chatter, or pouncing on her bed to drag her down to breakfast.

She reluctantly and slowly opened her eyes willing herself not to panic. She was not in the dormitory like she had previously assumed. She was...well she didn't know where she was, but wherever that happened to be… was nice. The bedroom she happened to be sleeping in was decorated very neatly. The sunlight streaming in from the window would've been lovely to wake up to, if Lily had known where she was and why exactly it was she was there.

She stared down at the blanket she had been so blissfully sleeping under only minutes ago and sighed. 'Where the bloody hell am I?' She thought to herself trying desperately to remember anything that would explain why she was in a bedroom that she had never seen before in her life, and why she couldn't remember how she got there.

She got out of bed and as soon as her feet hit the floor she regretted it. A feeling of dread slowly swept through her body as if this was the wrong choice and she shouldn't go any farther. But how was she going to get back to Hogwarts without getting out of this place first? She walked over to a desk that was in the corner of the room, it was a cute and neat desk not at all like the one she had at home, and shared with her sister Petunia.

There was a computer sitting on the desk and there were letters and papers in neat piles sitting next to the computer and quills and ink bottles all beautifully lined up next to blank parchment. She bit her lip and turned away from the workstation to look at the dresser.

The dresser was fairly normal and Lily would've completely disregarded it if it wasn't for the picture she had just noticed. This photograph was not of the moving kind, and it disturbed Lily beyond comprehension. Not just because it wasn't moving, but because it was of her and James Potter. EMBRACING, Looking happy, and well…as if neither had a care in the world, or that either hated the other…like a family.

She turned away from the picture. "Where the bloody hell am I?" she said again, only this time aloud. Then she heard the sweet, soft, cry of a baby. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt as if she might never breathe again. But then like normal, her breath began to flow easily out of her lungs.

The crying continued and Lily felt as if _she _was going to start crying. She had to get out of here…but she felt this odd obligation to go and tend to the baby even though she had no idea who the baby belonged to. She left the bedroom that she was so comfortable in and ventured into the hallway.

There was a room directly across from the one she had just come out of and the crying instantly got louder as she made her way towards it. She placed her hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath, and opened the door. As she opened it and looked around, she couldn't help but smile. It was the perfect definition of a baby room.

The room was painted blue and had clouds that actually moved very slowly around the room. There was a small toy box in the corner flooded with toys… and the crib…it had to be elf-made, it was absolutely beautiful. The baby inside of it was screaming at the top of its lungs, and Lily had no clue what to do.

"Okay…baby…" she said "Um…what do you want?" as if he was going to answer. She frowned "Okay….sorry If I do this wrong…" she picked him up and held him, rocking him slightly. As soon as she had picked him up the baby instantly stopped crying. She smiled to herself as the baby's eyes began to droop, as if it was going back to sleep…those startling green eyes that only she had, the ones she had only ever seen in the mirror. This child had to be an Evans. There was no other explanation. She smiled as he fell back asleep, and she placed the baby back in its crib.

Lily made her way back to the bedroom that she had been in earlier that day, and decided that she wasn't getting out of here anytime soon, so she went into the dresser and tried to find some clothes to change into. She found something that looked about her size and changed out of the nightgown that she'd woken up in.

Once she'd changed, she didn't know what else to do and she would've gone in search of a fireplace if not for the voice she heard. The voice that haunted her every single day of her existence, James Potters voice could distinctly be heard saying "Lily!" as if he was worried about her where-abouts, Lily froze on the spot not daring to move, 'No! James Potter can't possibly be a part of this too!' She was determined to stay frozen until that oh so annoying and penetrating voice ceased, and she was back in that cloud-like bed, no sun to interrupt her sleep.


	2. Frozen

**A/N: Chapter 2! Yay. Again let me know what you think pretty please! Leave a review. I'll update more as soon as I get some nice reviews. And thanks for the chapter 1 reviews and since I didn't put it up last time…**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter and/or any thing related to it. That all belongs to a Miss J.K. Rowling who is far more talented and creative than I. **

Lily stayed completely frozen not daring to move, one inch, afraid that this beautiful dream was about to come crashing down around her. "Lily?" was heard again and Lily still stood completely frozen intent on never moving from the spot she was in at that moment. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and winced slightly but was determined not to move.

"Lily! There you are!" James said upon finding her, standing stock-still outside the bedroom that belonged to them both. Her eyes were shut-tight and she looked as if she'd never open them again.

"Lily…" he began to laugh "what on earth are you doing?" She opened one eye and then the other to look at him, he looked the same. He was a bit taller, but the same…where the hell was she? She figured it best to just play it safe, find out what he thought, rather than start in on him for causing this or asking him where the hell she was.

"I was….um…waiting for you?" she said quickly, and phrasing it like a question. James nodded, looking a bit confused.

"Okay…well…um…how's Harry?" Lily looked at him, clear confusion written on her face.

"Um…who?"

James raised a brow "Our son?" As realization washed over her it made her face brighten.

"Oh! You mean the baby! He's fine…." James tilted his head slightly to the side.

"Lily…are you alright?" he reached out touch her cheek and she backed away quickly.

"What are you doing?" she said quickly and continuing to take backwards steps away from him.

"Nothing…Lily…I just wanted to feel your face….make sure you're not running a fever…to be honest."

Lily bit her lip, "Well I'm not…so…you can just…not touch me." She finished lamely.

James sighed, "Alright…" Lily glanced down the hall and spotted the bathroom.

"I'm going to go…over there…now" she said awkwardly walking over to the bathroom.

James watched her go not sure of what to make of her behaviour , He went into Harry's room, just to make sure he was okay.

Lily figured all she needed was a nice hot bath and she'd wake up from this horrible nightmare. She ran a full bath of water, locked the door, undressed and got in, the tub was so full, that it sloshed out on the sides as she sank into it. She closed her eyes, if she thought really hard, she could almost picture herself in the prefect's bathroom at Hogwarts, all alone….by herself. Then, a knock on the door broke the beautiful picture of serenity.

"Hey…Lily?" James' voice said clearly through the door.

"Yes?" Lily said her voice shaking slightly as if he could see her through the door.

"Do you mind if I join you in there?" Lily let out a squeal and more water sloshed out from the tub.

"No! I mean the doors locked Potter! That means privacy!"

She could hear James sigh outside the door and he said,

"I just want to talk to you….I swear…" Lily bit her lip.

"I'm NAKED!" She said completely confused as to why he'd want to come in now. "I…I know that. That was sort of…" He sighed not having the strength to even finish the sentence.

"You know what? I'll just talk to you at dinner okay?"

Lily was silent and after a moment she was sure that James had left.

She couldn't stand this anymore. She absolutely had to get out of here! No matter what happened she had to get out of here, whatever here was. There was no way she was talking to James at dinner. Who knows what he could want to talk about? She sunk back down into the tub, trying to get that picture of serenity back, but…it wouldn't come…No matter how hard she thought about it.


	3. I woke up and

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. Here's the next chapter. Please review! As always.**

By the time she'd decided to get out of the bath and get dressed, Lily had decided that she would tell James exactly what happened. That was the only thing she could possibly think of to get out of this mess, and maybe, possibly, HOPEFULLY he'd know something about it.

Maybe he was the one behind it all along, but she was pretty sure that he wasn't. He seemed to think that nothing was wrong, except the fact that, his wife (oh yes, the wedding ring she had finally noticed on her finger was proof of this…) was well, a bit moody today.

She made her way out of the bathroom, her red hair dripping all over the floor. She stopped once she was in the hallway not sure where to go to find James. After all, this house wasn't hers, and she had no clue where anything was. Then her nose hit her brain with a smell. The most heavenly smell in the world.

She hurried down the stairs towards it, wanting to find out what it was immediately. Her nose led her to just outside the kitchen door. She pushed open the door to the kitchen and instantly a smile took over her face. She couldn't help it.

James looked towards the door.

"What?" he said tilting, his head to the side completely unaware of why she was smiling, or what was so funny.

She grinned, looking down and then back up at his face.

"It's just…"

She giggled, hardly able to get the words out.

"…the apron" she ran a hand through her hair, as he looked down at his pink 'kiss the cook' apron. He sighed as he pulled it off and looked over at her with a frown.

"It's the only one we have…" He took something off the stove (Lily guessed that it was the thing that was calling her nose) and placed it in the middle of the table. He pulled out a chair for her, and she sat without complaint. Then he seated himself across from her.

"I just put Harry down for a nap a minute ago…which means…we'll have some peace and quiet for at least another hour." He said, watching her face and making her feel extremely awkward. Lily blushed and then nodded; looking down as she began to pile some food onto her plate, and began to eat hungrily.

James Potter was a good cook. Who would've guessed? Definitely not Lily, he watched her eat for a minute before piling food on his own plate. They ate in silence for awhile and it gave Lily time to think it over what exactly she was going to say. A thousand scenarios were going through her head. 'Well James, I woke up this morning and I wasn't quite myself…' no that was not good. He'd think she was crazy. 'James, Remember back in 7th year when I hated you?' Ugh. Nothing was working. She opened her mouth intending to make it up as she went along but then James shook his head.

"Lily…not now okay?"

She nodded softly, sighing, but then looked up.

"But James it's important!" she said a slight whine to her voice. James looked up at her and nodded, which Lily took as her cue to start talking.

"I woke up…and…" but then she stopped, realizing that any thing she'd say would sound crazy, because it _was._ She was definitely on her own with this one.

"I woke up…and…I was in a really bad mood…sorry about today…" She finished, not meeting his eyes. She'd always been a terrible liar.

He nodded, raising an eyebrow and biting his lip, the facial expression suggested that he didn't quite believe her. It was something he did in 7th year too. Every time she said she didn't want to go out on a date. Lily smiled in spite of herself.

"It's alright, Lily. We all have our off days. I love you."

He said looking at her a strange expression on his face. She realized instantly that he wanted her to say it back, but…could she? She hated him. Not loved him. Not in anyway…but this James was much different then the one she knew and hated. She didn't want to hurt him…He didn't seem all that bad. He actually seemed to _really _love her. She took a deep breath.

"I…" but then she bit her lip. She couldn't do this. She couldn't fake it.

"I…I'm tired. I want to go bed."

James nodded, somewhat sadly.

"Alright." He said a forced smile on his face. Something told her that this wasn't the first time, recently that her future self hadn't said I love you back to him.

She stood up, and headed for the door, wanting desperately to escape the awkwardness of the situation. Then James called after her.

"Lils?" he said softly.

She turned around. That name… Lils. The only other person in the world who called her that was her mother.

"Yeah?" she said just as softly as he had.

"I never forced you into this…or anything did I?" She could hear the fear in his voice. He was afraid of her answer.

She turned around slowly to look at him. What was he talking about though? Forced her into what? Into…_Marriage_?

"I'm not quite sure I know what you mean…" She finished a slight frown on her lips.

He sighed "Just…you want to be here? With me? Right now?" He asked, he sounded like he was going to break at any moment.

The clear answer was no. Where she wanted to be was back at Hogwarts in her normal 17 year old body, but she couldn't bring herself to say that, not at all. She shook her head. "Yes…I want to be here…with you…right now." She said it…and quite frankly…she was starting to believe it, not of herself. But maybe, someday. Her future self.


	4. Breaking, Crying, Fighting

**A/N: Chapter 4 yay. This chapter reveals quite a lot, if it doesn't make any sense so much now, bare with me. It will later. Review as always and you'll get the next chapter up sooner! I hate to give a quota but…lets try for 5 new ones before the next chapter? Thanks guys. Reviews keep me going. With no further ado…chapter 4 ladies and gents.**

Lily awoke the next morning to an empty bed and a crying baby. She made her way into the baby's room, picked him up, fed him (after figuring out what exactly he DID eat which was mostly baby food and a little milk), and laid him back down in his crib so that he could sleep some more. This apparently, was his routine. Lily had been absolutely dying to talk to somebody…anybody, and the only person she could think of that could possibly make sense of all this was Sydney. Sydney was her very best friend in the whole world…or at least she _was_ when she was 17. She made plans to go visit her, wherever she was here in this bizarre world, in this strange time.

Lily waited for what seemed like hours on end for James to get home so she could go see Sydney and leave Harry with him. Once it started getting late she decided to just bring Harry with her. What was the harm in that? Besides the fact that she didn't really know what she was doing, but she'd been doing alright so far right? You can learn absolutely anything if you put your mind to it.

She figured she'd get there by floo powder, it was the only sure-fire way to make sure she got there without a hitch. Lily grabbed a fist-full of floo powder and stepped into the fireplace with the sleeping Harry in her arms. She threw the dust into the fireplace and said very clearly "Sydney's house!"

The familiar feeling, of rushing wind and colors came to her as she journeyed through the floo-network. Once she got to her fireplace destination, the first thing she saw was her blonde friend, sitting across from the fireplace, reading a book.

When Sydney heard the fireplace, she sighed not even looking up from her book.

"Just a second Lily, this is a really good chapter…sit down." She said flipping the page of her book.

Lily took her advice and did what she was told and found a comfortable enough looking armchair. She knew not to bother Sydney when she was reading. She tended to get rather intense.

After Sydney had finished the chapter, she looked up at Lily, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Lils! You look great!" She said getting up and practically collapsing on top of her with a hug.

"What's up? Do you need a babysitter for my lovely god-son?" she said smiling, as she kissed Harry on the cheek.

Lily shook her head, staring at her best friend. She looked so different…so…adult. Lily grinned. "Hi Syd…"

Sydney looked at her scrunching up her nose. "Oh no. What'd you do? You have that… 'James is going to be really mad at me' face on." She said raising a brow.

"I don't know. I mean…nothing. I…" Lily sighed, all of this was getting extremely frustrating.

"Sydney…" she began, but then stopped not sure of what to say.

"Lily?" Sydney said prompting her to talk.

"I…I'm really glad were still friends" she finished, not able to tell her what she really wanted to. Sydney laughed and then titled her head slightly.

"What do you mean STILL friends… Lily…were friends forever you know that. We made a pact."

It was extremely comforting for Lily to hear those words, extremely comforting to know that the pact made 1st year was still in tact years later.

"Thank god…because-" but then she was caught off quickly by Sydney.

"Okay…before we do the girl-talk thing…James knows you're here right?" Lily shook her head quickly, he wasn't home, but she didn't think she needed to explain all that.

"No…" she responded with a thoughtful expression.

Sydney looked at her as if she had grown an extra ear.

"What do you mean _no?"_

Lily shrugged "I don't know…I mean…he doesn't know I'm here…He wasn't home and I just figured…" she trailed off.

Sydney's face slowly faded into a bright shade of red so different from her normal olive complexion.

"You didn't even leave him a _note?! _Lily, what is the _matter_ with you!? You have to go home…now! James is going to _kill_ you...He's going to kill you and then he's going to kill _me _for not sending you home right away! Lily go!" she said pushing her frantically towards the fireplace. She was extremely confused. Why was this such a big deal?

"Sydney wait! I don't get it!" Lily said stepping into the fireplace, Harry struggling in her arms, He was fussy and about to start crying any moment, sensing the commotion.

"Lily! Think about it! There's a _war_ going on! Your husbands an _Auror!_ What do you think he's going to think when he gets home and you're not _THERE? _You and _Harry_ aren't there? Not to mention…" She shook her head as if deciding that she didn't need to say anything about that now. Instead she just continued with what she was saying before.

"He's going to worry! Then he's going _KILL_ you! Now go!"

Lily sighed and threw the floo powder into the fire place and said "My house?" uncertainly, the feelings of being squeezed through a tube happened and she was instantly at The Potter residence.

James was pacing the room as she stepped out of the fireplace as soon as he heard the fire he looked up instantly.

"Lily! Thank God you're okay! I was so scared!" he pulled her into a hug, kissing Harry on the forehead before taking him from her arms.

"I'll put him to bed. You stay here" he said a bit sternly.

Lily bit her lip, getting the strange feeling that she was about to get yelled at. But that was ridiculous…why would her own husband yell at her? That's just silly. James re-entered the room soon after, staring at her for a long moment.

"You didn't tell me you were going anywhere." He said, his face blank.

She nodded "I know, I'm sorry but-"

James' Hazel eyes grew fiery.

"No. Lily…you know the rules! I'm supposed to know where you are at all times! Are you crazy or insane!?"

Lily started to grow angry from the tone of voice he was using with her "Hey! You don't control me James Potter! What am I? A 5 year old girl?" She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at him.

He rolled his eyes. "No. But you're sure as hell acting like it. I ask one thing of you! Lily! One thing! To tell me where you're going!"

Lily shook her head, "So what? I can't go anywhere? That's…stupid! You can't just keep me here like a trapped puppy!"

James shook his head again, his face growing red.

"That's not what I said! I didn't say you couldn't go anywhere! All I said was to tell me where you go! Is that what you feel with me? Trapped?" He looked as if he was going to cry for a moment, but then it went straight back to angry.

"Well you're not Lily! You can go where ever the hell you want from now on see if I care!"

Lily stamped her feet out of frustration, and stared directly into his eyes, which were an intense shade of gray suddenly.

"You're acting like you're 12! God, this is so…you know what…I don't even have to deal with this!"

She turned on her heel to leave, but his hand tightened around her wrist and spun her back around.

"Don't walk away from me! We were not done talking Lily Marie Potter."

Lily tried to hit his hand away but failed dismally.

"Oooh…my full name! You're not my mother and I'm not 6 that doesn't scare me anymore! And let go of my wrist!" She said yanking it away.

"Don't ever touch me like that again." She finished, complete seriousness taking over her face. He looked at her and shook his head. Almost like he was snapping out of the anger.

"Lily…" he said tiredly as if fighting with her had worn him out completely.

"I know were supposed to have our problems…and I know married people are supposed to fight…but…I think we fight an awful lot…I mean…I was talking to Sirius and-"

Lily cut in, her face contorted into a look of disgust. She hadn't even been aware that they HAD any problems, but the fact that future James was talking to future _Sirius Black_ about anything future Lily was doing made her furious. She hated Sirius Black with every fiber of her being. He went out of his way to be obnoxious directly to her at school and if she had her way he would've been expelled years ago. Sirius Black. Pah. This had to be a joke.

"You've been talking to _Sirius_ about _our _problems?"

James suddenly realized that he probably shouldn't have said that and by the look on his face, you'd think he was about to get eaten by a lion.

"Well yeah, I was worried about us…you and me just…" Lily quickly shook her head, cutting him off.

"James…if were having problems…" She said pointing between the two of them to stress her point. "You talk to _me!_ Not…your stupid _friends!"_

He tilted his head to the side slightly and looked at her, angry again.

"So now my friends are stupid?" He tightened his jaw and she heard it pop. She rolled her eyes, and then shook her head slightly.

"No…they've always been stupid I just had the mind and patience to put up with you lot!"

"LILY!" James said a little bit loudly.

"Stop it! Just…stop! I can't believe you right now!" He took a moment, shaking his head, and then he looked down, biting his lip and then he looked back up at her, a sweet expression on his face now.

"Can't we just kiss and make-up? I love you…" He reached out for her hand, but she pulled it away rolling her eyes.

"James! It's not that easy anymore! I wish we could just kiss and make-up!"

At that she ran up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind her. She sat on the bed, breathing hard, as a tear slowly made its way down her face. She didn't know why she was reacting like this. This wasn't even her life. Not yet anyway. She was starting to feel what her future-self had for two years now. The feeling of being completely trapped by love. Everything was starting to fall into place now. Several minutes later, James' voice could be heard floating up the stairs. "The guys are coming over in 20 minutes in case you forgot…It's Thursday. So I'd get down here if I were you!"

That's what made her cry so hard that her whole entire body shook with every shallow, cry she let out. Those simple words. She was realizing very quickly that her future life however perfect it seemed upon first glance wasn't at all in any sense of the word. She was completely heartbroken and she had no idea what events had led up to it. She was trapped, broken, hurting and she didn't even know _why_.


	5. Fighting with the Future

**A/N: Firstly, don't get annoyed at this chapter in the middle. The events that happen need to happen for the story to progress. And as always reviews are wonderful!!**

Lily was now, rather reluctantly sitting in a room with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Any other day as her future self this would've been just fine, but not today. Today, she was 17 years old and didn't enjoy the company of anyone in the room except for Remus Lupin. Add on the fact that today her heart felt like it was breaking over and over again. She couldn't stand to watch James act like nothing happened. She watched him as he joked with his friends, laughed at Sirius dumb jokes, pretended to look over at her lovingly. It made her completely sick. Then she hard him say,

"Yeah…there would've been food but Lily _forgot_ to make dinner…I guess…."

She hadn't spoken all night, so when she finally did, the room grew quiet and her voice was a bit hoarse.

"You never told me I was supposed to." She said with a bit of attitude.

"Oh, kind of like you didn't tell me where you were going today?" He rolled his eyes, "Lily, its Thursday. You always make dinner on Thursday."

The friends of the couple watched in agony like they all knew exactly what was about to happen.

"Ha-ha. James. Ha-ha."

He rose from his chair, angrily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He said staring at her.

She stood from her seat next to Remus and said.

"I was asking myself the same question only the other way around." She finished her teeth clenched.

"Lily I don't want to fight with you…" He said with a quick glance around the table.

Lily shrugged. "Well then I guess you're going to have to deal with it. Because I'm not just gonna sit her and take your crap! I'm Lily Evans. I don't take crap." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Don't mess with me Lily. Not now."

She snorted. "What are you going to do James?"

He clenched and unclenched his fists, clearly frustrated.

"Lily I swear…"

She took several steps toward him, so that she was inches away from his nose. She was so close to him now that she could see the bullets of sweat beading on his nose.

"What. Are. You. Going. To. Do." She spoke clearly, one eye brow raised. She was challenging him and she knew that all she would do was piss him off even more, but she didn't care at the moment.

After waiting several seconds she laughed in his face, laughed from sheer disbelief.

"You're completely ridiculous." She said acid in her tone. She turned quickly to leave, but before she could take a step his hand was clasped around her arm.

"Stop walking away from me!" He was squeezing her arm ridiculously hard, but she wouldn't say anything. This was a challenge now.

"I'm an adult! I can walk away from whoever I choose to! Let GO of me!" She heard 3 chairs scraping against the linoleum as all 3 boys stood up. It was Remus that spoke first.

"James…Watch yourself. Let go of her." He did nothing bit tighten his grip until Sirius stood behind him.

"James, come on." He finally let go, but the anger was still evident in his face. He stormed out of the room and Lily was left with a bright purple bruise in the shape of a handprint around her arm. Lily shook her head staring at the bruise. When she looked up, all 3 boys were avoiding her gaze.

"He does this a lot doesn't he?" She said softly.

Sirius was the first one to speak then, "Lily, you know he's trying. It's not you. It's just…the job. It's hard to get out of that mind frame. They train you to be angry all the time…"

Remus cut in then, taking a few steps towards her.

"Lily, are you alright? I can take you somewhere…I can…" He sighed. "I don't know. I don't want to leave you here by yourself…you look…you look sad."

Lily looked up at him, tears glistening on her face. "Please just tell me this isn't my future…" Then she was full-out crying. A great blubbering mess.

Remus looked at her completely confused. "Lily…What are you talking about?"

But she was falling apart and couldn't have responded even if she wanted to.

Sirius sighed. "Remus take her somewhere…I'll handle James." With a quick nod, Remus wrapped his arms around Lily and apparated with a quick pop. Apparently this was routine. Remus took care of Lily. Remus was the sensitive one. Sirius and Peter were left to talk some sense into James. Lily couldn't fathom what could have possibly changed to make _this_ her future.

**A/N: Okay. Remember that the whole reason she is in this predicament is so that maybe she'll have a chance to change her future, and in later chapters you will understand why, this future is so different from the normal Lily and James that we all know and love **


	6. Remus Lupin

**A/N: Okay, warning this chapter is a little bit Remus/Lily, I'm Not a Remus/Lily fan perse, but I do think they had an amazing friendship and in this crazy world that Lily has found herself in I think it turned into something else. So anyway. Here it is. Review! As always, I'm looking for….10 reviews before the next chapter? That'd be great! Thanks!**

Lily awoke to the smell of flowers. The smell of lots of flowers together in one place, like a garden. She hadn't actually opened her eyes yet, but she was pretty sure that they were flowers just by the smell. She opened her eyes slowly and glanced around. She was in a very nice house, whomever it belonged to, and the bed was comfortable. She spotted the source of the smell immediately; they were purple tulips in a vase by the bed. Her favorite flowers in the history of the world. There weren't many of them out there today and the fact that they were right there in front of her made her extremely happy. Happy, something she hadn't experienced for awhile. It felt nice. She sat up, staring at the flowers for a long while.

Remus entered the room holding a glass of water. He smiled when he saw that she was awake.

"Hey…you're up sleepy head."

She gave him a quick smile.

"Yeah, I am…what happened?"

She asked looking at him.

"You fell asleep. Or…rather you fainted from exhaustion and dehydration. You cried yourself out." He said sitting down on the side of the bed, placing a hand on her forehead, to check for a fever she guessed.

"You seem alright now…I took good care of you…It pays off when you're mum's a healer. I tend to be pretty good with this stuff."

He handed her the water to drink and she took a sip.

"Thanks."

He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"No problem."

He was sweet. He was so sweet she almost forgot that he wasn't James…and she shouldn't be here…with him…in his bed.

"Lily…are you and James okay?" he asked looking genuinely concerned.

"I know I don't exactly have a right to ask after everything that's happened between you and I." He let out a sigh. "But I still care about you. That hasn't changed. I just want to know that you're okay."

Lily stared at him, not knowing at all what to say or do at this point. She bit down on her lip. "This is going to sound totally bizarre Remus…I know but…Will you tell me? Everything? Why this is happening?"

Remus lifted a brow, looking quite as confused as she felt.

"I'm not exactly sure that I know what you mean…"

He frowned, still staring at her. She closed her eyes, praying that this would work. "Remus…How old am I? Like…20? 21?"

He stared at her, blinking for a few moments. "Uh…yeah. You'll be 21 in January…Lily…what are you talking about? Why wouldn't you know that?"

She took a deep breath. "Can you please tell me, in detail, what has happened between the ages of 17 and 20. Please. And Please. Don't ask me why I have to ask."

He stared at her for a long moment, like he didn't know what to say. Like he thought she was going crazy, but then his face softened and he started to speak very softly.

"We left Hogwarts on a high note. We were all so happy. Um. You'd accepted James' proposal. He'd been planning it all year…" But then he stopped, looking up at her. "You don't remember any of this do you?"

Lily bit down on her lip. "I'll explain everything after. I promise. Just continue."

Remus nodded. "You don't have to. I…" He sighed. "If you want me to tell you everything I will. It's just. I'm sure you won't like part of it…and…I feel the need to tell you this. Because I feel like you don't know…" His voice dropped a few octaves till it was nothing but a whisper. "I feel deep remorse for what happened between you and I, Lily."

Lily could do nothing but watch him the entire time. She couldn't figure what could've possibly happened to make Remus like this. He took a breath and started again.

"James, Sirius, Peter and I went immediately into Auror training. You were really angry. You'd grown to care about us all so much…" He bit his lip, grabbing her hand without thinking, squeezing it lightly and she tried her hardest not to be uncomfortable. Remus wasn't exactly her best friend back in her own time. She talked to him about homework every now and then, but there was something about this that felt incredibly intimate. But she needed him to finish the story.

"It was hard for you. Watching us all train…train to get ourselves killed as you liked to put it." A smile graced his lips for a moment. "But…we did it. Once training was over. You got married…" He stopped, frowning for a moment. "I'm leaving something out." He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and then looked at her with sad eyes. "I…somewhere in the craziness of training and leaving Hogwarts…I fell in love with you."

The importance of those words hit Lily like a brick wall. It didn't make any sense…she knew enough about Remus and James to know that Remus would never hurt James like that on purpose…but then again, you couldn't really control who you fell in love with.

"So you got married." He sighed. "You were happy. You were really happy for…awhile." He sighed again, looking even sadder. He looked away for a moment then back at her, biting his lip. She noticed that that was something he did a lot.

"Sydney was spending time in France…she wasn't around very much." He titled his head slightly, watching her. "That's where…I…" He sighed. "About 6 months after you and James were married. We started meeting up for lunch, just to talk." As he spoke my heart rate sped up. This couldn't end well.

"You were having problems, fighting a lot, you said that your marriage life was not what you expected. You hated it. One night we went out, we got drunk" He closed his eyes for a moment and then started speaking again, fast.

"Next thing we knew we were in my bed…then…we just decided not to stop meeting up…getting drunk and ending up in my bed…" He looked up at her as if to see how disgusted with him she was, but she couldn't do anything but stare.

"But sooner or later…we weren't drunk…and it wasn't always my bed…that's when things got messy. It wasn't sympathy anymore Lils…It was so much more than that. To both of us. I…" He bit down on his lip. "You stopped it though. You said…you couldn't hurt James anymore." He was quick to make the tears disappear from his face.

"Then you got pregnant with Harry and that….that was the end."

Lily sighed. "And now it's happening all over again. The…fights…" She shook her head. "I literally can't stand him." She said under her breath.

"But…there are times…I look at him and I see how much he loves me." She shook her head. "I don't understand any of this."

Remus touched her cheek lightly. "You and James are having problems again aren't you? Worse this time?"

Lily couldn't help it, she broke down. "Oh, Remus…It's so horrible. We fight _all_ the time! He doesn't trust me! You were there when he did this!" She pulled up the sleeve of her blouse to show him the purple hand print on her arm. "Remus…I just want to go home!"

She began to cry, heavily, tears flooding down her cheeks. He put his arms around her hugging her tightly.

"Shh, Lily its okay. You could stay here. I told you once before, this can always be your home."

She sniffed and the crying beginning let up.

"Remus…I…" but then she stopped not able to say much else.

He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes.

"I love you to." He said smiling softly.

She rested her head on his chest as he held her. She wasn't sure what she was doing, but it just felt right…and good. Better than she felt when James touched her, she felt whole. Remus stroked her hair as he held her. She pulled away from him slowly, as he followed her with his eyes. She sat up looked into his eyes not sure why but a million emotions were flying through her and she was drawn to his lips almost magnetically as she kissed him. She pulled away quickly her eyes reading every type of confused and scared there was. He only shook his head and whispered in her ear.

"Don't be afraid."

All her insecurities were gone in that instant.

"Remus I…" he silenced her once more but this time with his lips, she pulled away, quicker this time.

"No. Remus…I have to go"

She stood, reluctantly not really wanting to leave, she felt safe there with him. "Lily…no…you don't have to go. Please don't." He practically whined.

"Don't go back to him. Please. Lily. Listen to me. Please, I'm begging you. Don't let him hurt you anymore…don't." He grabbed her hand.

"You deserve someone who will love you and cherish you…who will understand your brains. Your beauty. Everything about you. You need someone who appreciates all the little freckles that make your face yours." He trailed her face as he spoke, taking the direct trail the freckles left on her face. "You need someone who notices when you're upset. Someone who can tell when you're lying" He pulled her back down on the bed.

"Lily. Please. Come back to me. Come here…." He said he's arms outstretched, his eyes pleading with her to come back to him.

She bit her lip her heart was tearing into pieces. What was she to do? She had a life with James. A kid. But being with him…it didn't…feel right. She knew she had feelings for him…but what were they? Hate? Love? She couldn't decipher, with Remus it was different.

She _knew_ what she felt for him was love. At least she thought she knew. Maybe it was just such a big change from what was going on with James that she thought she felt love. She didn't know and right now she didn't care, right now she needed Remus. She wanted Remus. She fell into his embrace and kissed him, but then pulled away.

"Promise me something Remus Lupin."

He nodded.

"Anything."

She cleared her throat.

"Promise you won't hurt me."

He grinned.

"That's a promise that I've already made to myself."

She shook her head.

"No. Make it to me."

He nodded slowly.

"I promise, Lily Potter…" he said, wincing when he said the end of her name.

"I Promise you that I won't ever hurt you."

She nodded.

"Good. Now seal it with a kiss."

He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. She pulled away.

"I'm scared Remus." She whispered and he ran a hand through her hair.

"Don't be. I'm right here. I'm always going to be right here. I'll never leave you Lily. I promise"

She nodded and shifted her body so that she was lying on the bed, he watched her do this, watching her expression to know what to do next. At that moment all he could think was how perfect she was, and how wonderful her hair looked against the white pillow, he leaned down and kissed her, not knowing, or caring what would happen next.

**A/N: What happens next? You won't know unless you review! Please and thank you!**


	7. the morning after

**A/N:** **No. this is not a Lily/Remus fanfiction. I swear. This is the natural place my creative juices took me though. It will end James/ Lily. I promise. But remember the future can always change, that's why she gets a chance to see it prematurely. Oh. And Review as always! 5 more and you get a new chapter tomorrow!**

Lily Potter awoke feeling as if she was going to throw-up. There was a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach and she didn't know what it was. Then she remembered the events of the night before and it all made sense. The previous night could have very much been the stupidest thing she'd ever done in her life, even not being able to remember most of it.

She sat up pulling the blanket with her. She glanced around the room quickly looking for all of her things so she could gather them. The shifting must've woken Remus up because Lily heard a soft, tired voice say,

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." She said quickly, sighing.

"I mean…I have to go home…now."

She said slipping out of bed. Remus watched her as she looked around desperately for her things Once she spotted her jacket and a few of her other things, she took off towards it but the blanket was wrapped around her feet, and she tripped.

Remus couldn't help but laugh, it was funny and incredibly cute. Lily, who was on the floor, blew some hair out of her face.

"It's not funny! That really hurt!"

She said but she was smiling, and he didn't stop laughing.

"Lily…" he said trying to stop. "You're adorable."

She bit her lip. "Yeah…so I've heard" she couldn't help but smile as well.

He grinned down at her.

"You don't have to leave." He said softly.

"You can stay as long as you like."

She nodded. "Okay…"

She was just about to stand up when the door shot open.

"Good Morning Moony!" Sirius came bounding into the room. He hadn't spotted Lily on the floor yet and she prayed if she stayed completely still he wouldn't.

Remus looked positively frightened at the fact that Sirius might see Lily and everything would be ruined.

"What do you want Padfoot?"

He asked trying desperately not to panic.

"I was just going to ask you-" he began but then stopped abruptly as he unfortunately spotted Lily.

His face wore an expression of pure shock. His eyes went to Lily, to the bed, then to Remus. Then his eyes grew wide.

"What the hell-" but Remus shook his head.

"Sirius just go wait for me in the hall. I'll be there in a miute."

Sirius stared for a full minute it seemed before he finally turned and went into the other room without question.

Lily felt as if she couldn't breathe. She could feel the cold tears rolling down her face but she didn't care, she didn't want to move right now. She didn't want to do anything.

Remus sighed and started gathering himself to speak to Sirius. Once he was finished he looked at Lily.

"Okay, Lily…everything's going to be fine…okay? I'll be right back…get yourself together? I'll take you home."

She nodded slowly and he kissed her forehead and left the room. As soon as he left the room, she gathered her things as quickly as she could and stood by the door to listen to Sirius and Remus' conversation. It was going something like this:

"Moony! Come on! This is ridiculous you can't do this to James again!"

Lily heard Remus shuffle his feet and then say,

"I'm not doing anything to James! James is making her unhappy! She was upset! Can I help it if I was there to comfort her?"

She opened the door just a crack so she could see what was going on. Remus and Sirius were standing in the hall, across from each other, Sirius wearing a look of anger and sadness and Remus wore one of a soft calm.

"Honestly Sirius I'm not doing anything wrong. She's not either."

He crossed his arms over his chest staring Sirius down, determined to have Sirius see things his way. Sirius shook his head.

"No! Remus…she's married! And to James!"

Remus shrugged.

"People make mistakes. Marrying James was obviously one of hers. It's unfortunate yes…but…"

Sirius sighed.

"Do you love her?"

Remus didn't even pause.

"Yes. I do. Very much so."

Sirius shook his head, mumbling something that sounded remarkably like 'this is so sick.'

He took a deep breath and then looked up at Remus.

"So what happens when James finds out again? I mean he forgave you last time…but you swore you'd never do anything like this again, and here you are…doing the very thing you swore that you wouldn't! Remus what is wrong with you?"

At this point Lily shot out of the room, fairly quickly for someone who hadn't been moving seconds ago.

"Hey…I'm just going to go…"

Remus hurried after her.

"No…you don't have to."

Lily shook her head. "No…No…I think I should…"

She stole a glance at Sirius and then looked towards the door. Sirius stepped toward her wearing a somber expression.

"James…" He sighed, shaking his head.

"He does love you. I know it…I'm his best friend…he tells me just about everything…and honestly Lily…I think that all this…all that's happened…isn't his fault…"

Lily looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes.

"Are you saying it's _my_ fault?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not at all Lily…not at all…" He threw a glare in Remus' direction "Actually I think its Remus' fault."

Lily sighed, breathing hard, trying desperately not to cry.

"I…I have to go" she said as she shot out of the house as fast as her legs could carry her.


	8. I Am Seventeen!

**A/N: Okay, next chapter, its getting closer and closer to reconciliation and the cute James/Lily fluff that we all love. But….of course we can't get to that without some amazing reviews from you guys. I appreciate you guys so much for reading, and if I promise a chapter for a certain amount of reviews I will always, always, always get it up for you. Okay. I'm looking for about 7 reviews for this one and you can have the next chapter. Please and thank you!**

Lily didn't know how exactly she was expecting to get home. She didn't know where she was going in the least. She just knew that she had to walk. So she did, she walked quite a good many blocks until she realized that she was 20 years old and that she could very well _legally _apparate. She stopped for a few moments to gather her self. She didn't want any mishaps, which was likely because she'd taken the class an entire year ago.

She closed her eyes and before she knew it she was back at the potter home. She let out a deep breath, glancing around the room. She was in the nursery and her eyes immediately fell on the crib. She blinked and stared at the_ very_ empty crib for a long time.

Where was Harry? Had James taken him somewhere? Her heart was pounding incredibly fast. Her mind was going threw a thousand versions of worry. Then from behind her a flat voice said,

"He's with my parents." She turned around slowly to look at her husband.

"Hey…" she said softly.

He looked at her and she could see the tears shining in his eyes, that weren't falling yet.

"Where were you?" he said his voice cracking half way through the short sentence. Lily bit her lip.

"I won't lie…I was with Remus"

He nodded, but he refused to look at her. "Lily…what do you want me to do?"

She hadn't expected that question.

"What?" she said confused.

"I mean…what do you want from me? What am I doing wrong? I'll do absolutely anything. I can't lose you." The heartbreak in his voice was so clear. It hurt Lily to hear him speak.

"Do you want me to help with Harry more? Lily…please give me something…"

She looked at him and saw the plea in his eyes all he clearly wanted to do was please her…and it pained her that he couldn't.

"I don't think there's anything you can do James…"

He nodded slowly and placed a hand on her cheek. "I've always loved you Lily and I've never once had to question that. When we got married I pledged my love to you knowing that I would never dishonor that…can you say the same?"

She bit her down on her lip exceptionally hard for a moment.

"I don't know what's wrong with me James. I'm not this girl. I don't even know who this girl is. James…I haven't been completely honest with you…"

He snorted rolling his eyes slightly. "Well, I guessed that part, yeah."

She shook her head quickly. "No! Not the Remus part of things, James." She took a breath. "Four days ago I woke up and I was twenty. But _five_ days ago…I was Seventeen." She said quickly.

James stared at her, his face showing a million different emotions in a minute.

"Lily…Are you…are you feeling okay?" He asked raising a brow.

She frowned, frustrated now, "Yes! I'm fine! _Listen_ to me! The last thing I remember is you and I were supposed to be meeting in Professor Dumbledore's office, for a headboy and headgirl meeting, but you were _late_ as always, and we got into a fight…" She shook her head,

"Then…I don't…I don't remember! I woke up _here._ I don't even remember falling asleep that day!" She crossed her arms over her chest thinking for a moment.

James tilted his head slightly.

"I don't even _remember_ that. Lily, are you telling me this, so you can avoid talking about what is really happening here?" He shook his head.

"Because I honestly think you could come up with something better than some crazy completely unbelievable story to distract me from what's really going on-"

Lily was quick to cut him off mid-sentence.

"I hate you. I hate you with a fiery passion. You've asked me out 117 times since you've known me and I've never said yes once. Ever. You asked me to the Valentines Day dance in 3rd year and I threw pumpkin juice in your face. You sent me a singing card one year and I ripped it up in right in front of you! Last week you wrote me a poem and decided to perform it for the entire great hall, so I cursed you and got detention for the 2nd time in my entire school career. Do you understand me? I. Am. Seventeen. Years. Old."

James stared at her, blinking. "Yes, Lily, I remember all that too. I was there for it. You're being ridiculous. I know you don't want to talk about this but-"

Lily cut him off again with a frustrated noise.

"UGH! LISTEN to me!" She practically shrieked. "I don't know who you married. I'm not that Lily. I'm Lily Evans. I don't even remember our first date, because we haven't HAD one yet!"

He crossed his arms over his chest staring at her. "We…" He frowned. "We had a picnic." He said softly.

Lily blinked. "A…a picnic?"

He nodded once. "Yes. A picnic. I asked you right after…" He paused for a full moment, his face overcome with realization. Lily frowned up at him.

"What? You asked me after what?"

He stared at her for a long minute and then said very quietly.

"After a headboy and girl meeting that I was late for…" He looked away for a moment and then back at her.

"You were really angry…talking really fast…So I just slipped it in. 'Do you want to have lunch with me, Evans?'" He shook his head. "You said yes without thinking…" He bit down on his lip, and then he looked back up at her.

"You're Seventeen…" He said in a whisper.

She nodded. "I'm Seventeen."

He closed his eyes for a moment, slowly sitting down. "You…don't remember…getting married…or…having Harry…" He was speaking mostly to himself, but Lily was nodding anyway.

"This doesn't make any sense…then why…with Remus…" He shook his head.

Lily knelt down in front of him. "I don't know! I wish I could remember everything but I can't. It hurts because…I don't know what's going on. I don't know anything and I don't want to hurt you…or anyone for that matter but I am and I'm confused and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen…" She said all this as tears started flowing down her cheeks.

James pulled her into his chest. "Aw Lily, It's okay. Don't…um…" He said sounding, still even more confused. "Listen, we'll figure this out okay? You must just be so completely confused." He was remembering exactly how seventeen year old Lily would remember him. He remembered that it wouldn't be his most shining moments, and he cringed.

"Lils, I am so sorry."

Lily sniffed, shaking her head. "Look at you apologizing. I'm the one who apparently is messing around with your best friend."

He grinned, for some reason, the fact that she was 17, was making it easier to deal with.

"Yeah. Can I ask you something?"

Lily sniffed again and then nodded.

"Would you like to understand? I mean…understand why you're here? I really don't want you to think that I…hoodwinked you…or…something." He bit down on his lip. "I know…it must be really weird for you. You…only remember hating me. You've just sort of skipped over the falling in love with me part…" He laughed lightly, but it wasn't joyful laughter. It was sort of sad.

"You must think I…gave you a love potion or something. You remember completely hating me and then you come here when were having one of our more difficult times…" He shook his head, sighing.

"But I can show you. If you'd like to see…Just the parts you missed."

Lily blinked, she hadn't been expecting this. Him to be so nice to her. She'd kept a huge secret from him, she was running away from him, right into Remus' arms and being completely ridiculous. But he was so ridiculously nice.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She said with a sniff.

He gave her a small smile. "Because Lil, Even at seventeen I was completely in love with you."

She couldn't take her eyes away from him for a long moment. She believed him. It was the first time she'd ever believed him and he'd said I love you more times than she could count.

"I'd really like to see." She said biting down on her lip. He nodded, standing up and holding out his hand for her to take.

"Lily, do you know what a Pensieve is?" He asked raising a brow.


	9. The Engagement

**A/N: This is pretty much all James/Lily fluff. I know you guys are excited for that, so here it is haha. I'm sorry of the distinction between the memory Lily and the actually Lily is hard to understand, I tried my best. Anyway, please review as always! Surprise me with the number this time. **

Lily had never actually seen a Pensieve. It surprised her. There was nothing spectacular about at all. It was just a round basin looking object. She peered over it, watching all the silvery strands of thought and memory.

"Those are mine?" She asked looking up at James with a curios expression.

"Yes." He responded peering over the basin as well, "There might be a few bad memories in there…but I think this is something you need to see." He was still holding onto her hand. He hadn't let go of it since he'd led her to their bedroom, to the Pensieve. Lily didn't mind it at all. His hand was warm and fit nicely, into her own.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He said turning to face her. Lily bit her lip thinking for a moment and then she shook her head slowly.

"This is something I think I need to do on my own." He watched her for a long moment and then nodded, "Sure." He leaned into kiss her cheek. "I'll answer any questions you want when you get back." She bit her lip, staring at the Pensieve not exactly sure what she was supposed to do.

He noticed her confused look quickly. "Oh, Just lean over it…" She'd barely started to do so when she felt a violent tug; soon she was swirling in a blur of color and whooshing noises.

After a long while her feet finally found solid ground and Lily was watching her self, the self that she was used to seeing the mirror, sitting in the garden of the Hogwarts castle, the sun-setting in the background on the mountains.

She watched herself as she spotted James making his way across the grounds…the 17-year old Lily Evans looked up at James Potter grinning slightly,

"So what romantic thing do you have planned for today Mr. Potter?" she asked him as he sat next to her on the bench.

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"Well Ms. Evans you'll soon find that out now won't you?"

She rolled her eyes "Alright. Fine…I'll play along."

The two talked for several minutes about school, friends and the night around them but then the subject came around to what they were going to do out of Hogwarts and the present Lily's breath caught in her throat. She knew exactly where this conversation was going.

James shrugged, "I really want to be an Auror…"

The 17-year old Lily nodded. "I figured as much. I don't like it. I'd miss you. But…You'd be good with that. I think I want to write for the prophet."

He nodded and then grinned. "Are you saying that you're going to be with me through all that?" the 17-year-old Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes slightly. "Shush." She said playfully.

James grinned. "Writing for the prophet…that's a very Lilyish job." He smiled, as she hit him playfully on the arm.

"Lilyish Job…what exactly does that mean?"

She raised a brow. He shook his head.

"Nothing…I swear. It just meant that…you'd be good at that."

He said, tilting his head slightly. His eyes growing soft.

There was silence for a couple minutes and the present Lily watched the two of them with curiosity. It was so strange. The silence wasn't awkward, or strange…It just was. The 17 year old Lily leaned in slightly, and without even glancing at her James already had his arms around her. It was like they were talking without words. Then James said,

"Lily…I love you." It was fast, and he took a sharp breath for her said it, like he was nervous. The present Lily's stomach did a flip-flop.

The memory Lily smiled at nodded.

"I know…and I love you to." She said it with such ease that the present Lily was almost uncomfortable…almost. She'd never heard herself sound so sure about anything in her entire life. She trusted herself. She trusted that she was in love with James.

James got off the bench and knelt down in front of her on one knee and took her hand. Both Lily's eye's widened.

"James…what are you doing?" He shook his head.

"Shh…let me get this out. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

She smiled and blushed.

"You are an amazing woman…You're smart…You're strong-willed…You're beautiful…You're talented…You could handle just about anything that's thrown at you…Lily…do you understand how amazing of a person you are?"

She looked down at the ground blushing even more then she already was, he lifted her chin with his finger and said. "Look at me. I'm telling you the truth…Lily you're everything a guy could ask for. You hold your heart out in front of you for the world to see. It's absouloutely beautiful. But I want to make sure that no one hurts it. So…I'm going to ask you if I could protect it with my own…"

Memory Lily bit down her on her lip.

"James what are you asking me?" he took a ring out from his pocket and slipped it onto her finger. It was the most gorgeous piece of jewelry the present Lily had ever seen, the look on 17 year old Lily's face re-enforced that.

He kissed her hand and then looked into her eyes.

"Will you marry me?" She touched his cheek with the hand he had just kissed.

"James…We're too young…"

He shook his head, taking her hand away from his cheek, to kiss again.

"Not at all…We're seventeen…Most people would kill to have what we have at our age…"

She nodded.

"Swear to me you really honestly want to do this James Potter."

He nodded vigorously

"I do."

She thought it over for a quick second and then said,

"Okay…I mean yes. I will marry you." He kissed her cheek.

"You've never been more completely beautiful then you are right now."

The newly engaged Lily stared down at her ring.

"Wow." She said softly, James watched her, grabbing her hand again and kissing her the ring, and then her hand, and then her palm.

"What? Why wow?" He said, looking as if the answer to the question was a life or death situation.

Lily smiled. "I've never been in love before…It's such a weird feeling."

James' smile faltered. "W-weird?" He asked looking up at her.

She nodded. "Yes. Weird because…I've never felt anything like this. I just want to be with you. All the time. Is that…is that normal?"

James let out a laugh. "I want to be with you all the time too."

Lily let out a laugh that sort of turned into a cry, but it wasn't a sad cry, it was ridiculously happy one. She grabbed his face, pressing her forehead against his.

"I've never loved anyone in the whole entire world, like I love you. Always remember that. I'm yours. Forever. I promise it. I swear it. Till the day I die."

She bit her lip. As he took her hand, beginning to kiss it all over again, after a few moments, 17 year old Lily was completely frustrated with his hand kissing. She pulled his face to hers, pressing her lips against her fiancée's. Then the memory began to get misty and Lily Potter was catapulted into another memory that she'd been dying see.


	10. The Wedding

**A/N: So I tried my hardest to put the memory parts in italics. I hope its not confusing. But I tried. Sorry for the wait. Here it is. And please Review as always!**

**I want 10 for the next chapter. Please and thank you.**

It was so strange. She'd never really thought about her wedding before. Now here she was, watching the memory from just an 20 minutes before it. She watched herself stand before a mirror wearing a gorgeous white dress and she watched her mother half crying in a chair with a wine glass. It was a surreal setting. Sydney was sitting in a chair as well but she wasn't smiling. Suddenly and quite shockingly, Lily noticed that the beautiful memory Lily in the gorgeous white dress…was crying.

_Sydney sighed, standing up, placing a hand on her best friends shoulder. "Lily you look positively beautiful."_

_Lily looked as if she might throw up. Something was definitely wrong. But What? "Sydney, I can't even breathe." She let out as the tears continued to stream down her face. Sydney gave her an irritated look. _

"_Lily you are going to ruin all the pretty make-up I did for you." She grabbed a tissue, wiping her face and her cheeks, careful not to smudge anything very much. _

"_Lily, you look beautiful. You're getting married in…" She glanced at her watch. "15 minutes and that's not enough time to re-do you're make-up so stop it!" _

_Lily closed her eyes, trying to pull herself together. "Oh my god, 15 minutes." She said holding her stomach and collapsing onto a chair. _

"_Lily! You're fine! You want this! You've wanted this since he asked you. What is the MATTER with you? This is more than just cold feet isn't it?" _

_She said kneeling down in front of her. There was a quick knock on the door, and Lily jumped up to get it. "No! You are the bride. You can not be seen for another…" She glanced at her watch again. 13 minutes!" _

_Lily began to hyperventilate. "Oh. My. God." _

_Sydney rolled her eyes and she went over to the door opening it just a crack. "Hi Sirius." She said with a smile, Sirius smile was just as wide as hers. _

Huh. Who would've thought that Sirius and Sydney were ever going to be a couple?

"_I just came to inform the women that it's time for places!" _

_Lily's mother upon hearing that gave her a daughter a big hug. "I love you honey. You're fine. I was nervous on my wedding day too. My dress looks wonderful on you sweetie." She kissed her forehead and quickly made her way out of the room. _

_Sydney frowned. "Can you give Lily like an extra 10 minutes? She's freaking out."_

_Sirius raised a brow. "What do you want me to do?" He asked staring at her. _

_Sydney shrugged. "Oh, I don't know…Do what you do best. Stall." She said, leaning up to kiss him. "Go!" She said shutting the door on him. _

_She turned back to Lily. "Okay. What's going on?" _

_Lily bit her lip. "I don't know. I was fine this morning. I…" She shook her head. "I just…I can't do this right now…I…" She covered her mouth as if she was going to throw up. _

"_I just…I feel sick. Can we re-schedule?"_

_Sydney blinked at her. "You want to re-schedule your WEDDING?" _

_Lily whimpered. "I can't DO this Sydney!" Sydney walked over to the other side of the room, pouring her a glance of wine. "Lily…you just need to calm your nerves." She said, walking back over and thrusting the cup into her hand. "You spill that on you're dress and I'll never speak to you again. It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous. And you are getting married this gorgeous you hear me?" _

_Lily whimpered, but nodded, knowing better than to pick a fight with a Sydney. It took her a few minutes to finish the glass, but it wasn't doing anything at all to calm her nerves. _

"_Sydney, I really…really can't do this. You don't understand." Sydney frowned at her as there was another knock on the door. Sydney was quick to open it, not wanting to miss her own cue. It was Sirius again. _

_He sighed. "I tried. I tried really hard. James is just smarter than that. He knows all my tricks. There are no secrets. He wants to see her." _

_Sydney frowned. "No! She's in her dress! She's perfectly fine! She just needs a few minutes!" Sydney said angrily. Soon, James could be seen behind Sirius. "Sydney, Let me in. I just want to see her. 2 minutes." _

_Sydney shook her head, "She's perfectly fine! Now go stand at the altar and wait like a good groom." She said with a nod._

_James was now pushing in front of Sirius. "If she's fine, just let me in to see for myself!" Sydney frowned, knowing he wasn't going to let up. "Fine, but hold on a minute." She said shutting the door again._

_She turned to look at Lily who now had her head between her knees and was breathing deeply. _

"_Lily, pull yourself together. Lily…" She said grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around her. "James is going to come in here, I refuse to let him see you in your dress." She said making sure the blanket was securely wrapped around her. _

"_There." She said after a minute. She walked over to the door opening it. _

"_Happy now?" She said waving her arm around to point to Lily. She looked as if she was going to fall apart at any moment. James frowned. _

"_Why don't you guys go take your places…we'll both be down in a minute." He said taking a few steps towards Lily as Sirius led Sydney away from the room, even halfway down the hall you could hear Sydney. _

"_Way to go Stalling!" _

_You could practically feel Sirius cringing about how he would have to her about this later. _

_James took a few steps closer to her. _

"_Lily, what's the matter?" He asked in a soft voice. Lily looked up at him, the tears flowing again. _

"_I have no idea." She said sounding and looking completely choked up. _

_He took her hands in his. _

"_Don't be afraid. Were…meant to be Lily. You know that. I'm going to make you happy. I swear. I want nothing more than to make you the happiest woman alive. There's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all." _

_Lily looked up at him. "I don't want things to change." She said in a low whisper._

_He tilted his head. "What do you mean?"_

_Lily sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know…I just…Things are good. Right now, things…are just working. We…compromise now. We don't just fight…What if that changes? What if something happens?"_

_James smiled. "Lily. Were going to fight. Probably a lot. But that's just…that's us. You know? I've never loved anyone the way I love you. You're the perfect Lily Potter." _

_She smiled, pulling a hand to wipe her cheek. "Not quite yet. I'm still Lily Evans for another…" She glanced at her watch. "Another minute and a half." _

_He grinned, leaning down a bit to kiss her forehead. _

"_So…are you ready to do this?" He asked her, staring into her eyes, a flicker of fear flashing across them. What if she said no?_

"_I'm ready. I'm sorry. I don't even know why I questioned-" but her sentence was happily cut off by James' lips on hers. _

_After a minute or two, James pulled away with a smile. "I'll meet you at the altar." He said softly before walking over to door, once he was at the door, he blew her kiss and then softly shut the door behind him with a kiss. Lily smiled the most genuine smile in the world. _

Lily watched herself pledge herself to James Potter. She watched herself stand in front of her family and friends in the beautiful flowing white dress, with a beautiful tiara atop her head.

She watched James' face turn from happy…to…well happier. She watched her own familiar face stare into his, she watched Remus Lupin in the back of the church, wishing he wasn't watching Lily marry his best-friend but secretly wishing Lily was marrying him.

Then the memory became blurry and seconds later she was at her very own reception party. She glanced in the corner, and saw that she was sitting down with James. She made her way over to the table to listen in on what they were saying.

The newly married Lily Potter smiled at James.

"_So…what do you think about the dress?" James grinned._

"_Breath-taking." _

_Lily kissed him softly on the cheek. _

"_I'm going to go talk to Sydney for just a minute alright?"_

_She began to stand up but James pulled her back down by the wrist._

"_No…I want you all to myself right now." _

_Lily smiled widely "Hey…you'll have me tonight…and the night after that and that night after that…and…you get my point…I'm with you now forever James Potter. You have me. Till death do us part." _

_She grinned and walked over to Sydney. James, however, was staring straight across the room at somebody else. Lily followed his gaze and her heart caught in her throat Remus was making his way over towards James. _

_Remus' expression was hard to read, he wore one of, regret and anger that was ready to pop at any moment._

_He sat down next to James and watched the memory Lily across the room talking to Sydney. _

"_You win." Remus said softly._

"_I didn't think you would…but you did." _

_James didn't dare look at his best-friend he continued to look at Lily across the room and then he responded._

"_I didn't win anything…she chose…I didn't force her to fall in love with me Remus…I didn't have a strategy….It just happened." _

_Remus looked at him, almost willing him to look back into his eyes. _

"_She won't be happy with you James…you shouldn't do this to her" James continued to stare at his beautiful new bride and said,_

"_She'll be happy…I'm going to make sure that." _

_Remus nodded and then got up from the seat and melted back into the crowed of Lily and James' friends and family. Lily came back over to James. _

"_Hey…" she said looking at him. _

_He looked fairly angry but then his expression softened once he saw her._

"_Hey Strawberry." She rolled her eyes._

"_I hate it when you call me that…" _

_James grinned. _

"_You used to say that about Lily flower…and water lily…" She smiled._

"_What were you and Remus talking about?" James shrugged._

"_Nothing Important…don't worry about it" _

_Lily nodded. "Alright then…I won't." _

_But then she was dragged off to go chat with her mother, and then once again the memory became misty and she was catapulted right into another one. Another one that wasn't exactly as happy as the last two._


End file.
